Dating can be tricky. It’s a new experience for many, and there are plenty of dos and don’ts to remember. Plus, everyone has different opinions on what works and what doesn’t. To help you navigate the dating world, we’ve compiled ten rules that will help you find success while dating. Keep these in mind the next time you go out with someone new!
1. Keep dates short
Before you go on a date, make sure it’s for no more than one and a half hours. Why? That is enough time to get to know someone at a surface level and (hopefully) feel the spark of chemistry – but not so long that your brain gets carried away with excitement about the new person!
Keeping things short means that you always have something to look forward to – each date will be exciting and new.
If your date is going on well and conversation is flying – it is alright to hang around with your date for a longer period of time. Generally, a good rule of thumb is to have places to go if the date goes well. For instance, you can always head off to grocery shopping with your date if you do have things to get before heading home. This would ‘simmer down’ the date and indicate that it is coming to a close.
Always remember, during your date you are evaluating the compatibility between the both of you. And if things vibes well, schedule the next date during the ongoing date!
2. Don’t take it too seriously
This is especially true in the early stages of dating. Remember, you’re both still getting to know each other, so don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
The key idea during the date is to have fun, talk about random things and topics that are not important. If you can keep yourself and her laughing throughout the date, that would count as a successful date.
3. Be upfront about what you want
It can be difficult to determine whether someone you are dating wants a relationship or just some casual fun. While some people may be upfront about their intentions, others may not be so blunt. If you want a relationship, it is important to be upfront about it and let the other person know. This can avoid any misunderstandings and help you find someone interested in a committed relationship.
Otherwise, you may end up wasting your time with someone who only wants a casual fling. So don’t be afraid to speak up and let your date know what you’re looking for. It could save both of you a lot of heartache down the road.
4. Avoid talking about exes on early dates
When you start dating someone, it’s important to avoid discussing your past relationships – especially on early dates. When you’re still getting to know someone, dredging up old histories can be a major turn-off. Plus, it can make you seem like you’re not over your ex and no one wants to date someone who’s not over their last relationship! If you need to talk about an ex, save it for later in the relationship when things are more serious.
5. Always be gentlemen: when sending a message
No matter how much you may like someone, it’s important not to seem desperate when messaging back and forth. Sending too many messages can make you seem needy and desperate, which is not attractive.
When your date gets the sense that you’re too eager, it can be a major turnoff. Keep your messages light and breezy, and take things slow. If things progress naturally, that’s one thing; but if you’re coming across as pushy or clingy, it can sabotage your chances of success. So relax and take things easy – let the chemistry happen naturally!
6. Don’t worry about who pays
As a man, you may be wondering if you’re supposed to pay for dates or not. You may also be worried that if you don’t pay, your date will think you’re cheap. Well, don’t worry, there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to who pays on a date. If you want to offer to cover or split the bill, anyone these days appreciates it, whether they accept or decline your offer.
Different cultures have different expectations when it comes to this issue. So what should you do? Just follow your gut instinct and do what feels comfortable for you and your date.
In Singapore, there are a mix of women who expect men to pay and some others who are fine with splitting the bill. Of course, if it is the first date, it is always best TO GO DUTCH. Aim to meet at a place that is not pricey, the ideal would be to meet up for coffee. That way, if she expects you to pay – it’s just coffee. And the first date is to get to know each other better. If splitting the bill is already going to be an issue – then count your blessings that you got that out of the way as soon as possible!
7. Feel free to do some of the planning yourself
Many women today expect ‘things to happen naturally’ as if the date was a match made in heaven and everything is smooth as butter during the date. Do have in mind locations that are ideal for fun and engaging conversation, plan on the things you can do after the date if it goes well. And also keep in mind how long you are willing to give yourself and the woman for the date.
Like the above example of getting groceries after the date if it goes well. You can always plan to have coffee with your date in a mall in town. Then already plan to set aside 90 minutes for the date. Then when the time is up, already plan to get groceries and head home after that. And if you wish – you will let her tag along with you for the groceries. This will make you certain of the things you have to do in your day and not just loitering around in the mall with her. And she will see you as a man who has plans, things to do and places to be. And not a leach who hopes to always be in the presence of a woman.
8. Keep the conversation fun
A date is a time to get to know someone you’re interested in. However, many men make the mistake of talking about themselves too much or steering the conversation towards serious topics and fact-sharing sessions. Women find this type of talk uninteresting and uneventful.
And, this can quickly kill the mood and ruin the date. Instead, men should aim to keep the conversation fun and light-hearted. To spice things up, you could add humor and flirtatious overtones. By doing so, you will create a more enjoyable experience for both you and your date.
9. Dating multiple women at the same time is fine
A date is to know somebody better. Unless the both of you intend to get ‘exclusive’ then that is another matter altogether. But for a start, it is fine to date multiple people at the same time. It might be a cultural thing, but in the modern world, it is fine to get to know as many people before settling down. If your objective is to find the best potential prospect and settle down – then why not do what you can and get to know as many people as possible?
Your frame of mind while dating multiple people at the same time would also be more calm and relaxed. As you are not thinking of wedding bells all the time, you will be out aiming to have a good time and find the fun in the date. The women when you date them will be able to tell that you are not clingy, not desperate and even fun to be with! Those are all signs that signal to her that you are trustworthy and without any hidden agenda.
After knowing multiple prospects, when you have found one that you really want to be with, you can then decide on her and let her know that you wish to be exclusive with her. This is all about adopting an abundance mindset.
10. Know that dating is supposed to be fun (stop if it isn’t)
Dating should be a fun and enjoyable experience. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. If you’re finding that dating is anything but enjoyable, it might be time to reevaluate things.
Don’t be afraid to end a relationship if it’s not making you happy. Don’t tolerate bad dates or uncomfortably long pauses – if dating isn’t going well, end it and move on.
Have you ever wished that there was an expert to guide your dating life? CGull offers the perfect solution. We offer courses for men and women who want to learn how to date in a way that’s authentic and respectful of themselves and others, without having to worry about offending or hurting anyone. Our team is comprised of expert dating coaches with years of experience helping singles grow in their confidence level so they can be more successful in all areas of life – not just relationships.