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What Women Look For In ‘Porn’

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The elements that men look for in women are vastly different from what women look for in men. The key here is not only to be aware of the elements and values that women are seeking, but also to be able to acquire them.

Have you ever asked a girl something along the lines of “What kinds of guys are you into?”. And hoping for a response along the lines of the height, weight, looks or profile of her ideal partner? Or at least heard others around you (or online) ask a woman about their preferences of their ideal man? 

Generally, after asking this question the woman would have a confused look on her face. And it would be followed up by questions along the lines of “As in his physique, height or length of hair”. Then the woman usually forcibly answers a generic answer such as ‘taller than her’ or ‘in decent shape (and not necessarily fit)’. 

Usually we would not get a very direct answer from a woman with regards to ‘her ideal type’ of man. And to be specific, we would not get any form of physical representation of her ideal man. And if she were to continue, she might even say things like she does not have a keen focus on his physical appearance, but rather she focuses on elements such as the following.

  • the way he takes care of himself (grooming and lifestyle)
  • His sense of humor
  • The way he treats others
  • His fashion sense and how he presents himself
  • His confidence and the way he speaks

These are very important clues to guys who are starting out and learning these things. As the women are already giving you key attributes to what she is looking for in a partner. The issue here is that men generally don’t take these things that the women say seriously and generally brushed off as her avoiding the question.

It is common understanding that the elements that men look for in women are vastly different from what women look for in men. The key here is not only to be aware of the elements and values that women are seeking, but also to be able to acquire them. 

Jordan Peterson has been a popular icon when it comes to male development and concepts of what it means to be a man. In one of his lectures, he shares what he has learnt in his studies about what women look for in their ideal fantasy with a man. 

In one of his lectures, he speaks about this matter.
The video is linked here:

In his explanation, he addresses that men on the internet generally look for graphical representation of sex, ie: porn. As males are more drawn to physical attractiveness and the act of sex. Which is why when asked about their ideal partner, the answers are generally about their physical appearances and physique.

As Jordan Peterson has pointed out in the video, what women are looking for are more towards personality traits. And attributes pertaining to the 5 archetypes (listed below). Online searches on the internet by women would generally be literary stories, such as books and literature. We can see this manifested in the type of books, shows and movies that women are generally more drawn towards. Think of the Korean drama, romantic comedies and books about love that modern women consume today. 

This has been well established in our history and culture. Before the time of television, there were romantic novels written that were top sellers. Stories like Romeo and Juliet, folklore about beauty and the beast were very commonly sought after. These were just representations of what women look for in their romances. 

One can also say that these stories or literature are what best describes ‘porn’ for women. The above video has described ‘the plot analysis of the typical pornographic female fantasy’  (as what Jordan Peterson has described in the video) as – ‘harlequin romances’.  

Which would include an innocent, well-meaning and attractive young woman encountering a male who is a bit of a monster. The monster would not only have some sort of dominance in the dynamic, but rather also a mysterious and aggressive nature as well. The protagonist (the female lead) would then proceed to ‘tame’ the monster and later the both of them fall in love.

The monster as mentioned in the video would take on 5 archetypes. Such as:

Vampire
(from the movie Twilight)

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Werewolf
(from the movie Twilight)

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Billionaire
(from the movie IronMan)

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Pirate
(from the movie Pirates of the Caribbean)

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Surgeon (doctor)
(from the Show Doctor House)

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We can say that movie makers might already be conscious of these archetypes, which is why they made stories about these men. Or one can also argue that it was a coincidence that these movies or shows did well as it was preying at the women’s desire for these kinds of archetypes and did a literal representation of them. Having watched these shows, we can also conclude that all of these characters (not the actual actor, but the roles they play in the movies) would have some level of mystery and aggression. 

Though these actors look really attractive, it was their character that charmed the audience. And it gave everyone a very lasting impression of the characters they played on screen. This is what really appeals to the woman psyche. 

One piece of contrary advice for a boy growing up in today’s culture would be ‘to do no harm’. Then later being told that a man has to be ‘mysterious’ or ‘dangerous’ so women would like them. This is very conflicting information for men who are trying to get a sense of how they should develop themselves in character. 

A good metaphor, ‘it is better to be a warrior in a farm rather than a farmer in a war’ represents this very well. It is not about not being aggressive or dangerous. As a man, it is not about being ‘harmless’ and having a lack of ability to do harm. But rather having the ability to do harm, but choosing not to do so. Another extract from one of Jordan Peterson’s lecture:

"A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control"

This is a very sexy element that women generally look for. We’ve heard numerous times that women love to have a man that is dangerous, but to her – peaceful and tame.

And with the archetypes listed above, most of these men (billionaire included), are powerful and dangerous men if they choose to be. But also mature and reserved (sometimes funny and quirky) when the right person presents herself. 

In conclusion, it is not about being aggressive or domineering to women or to people around you. It is to have a strong sense of self, your own set of values and virtues that is attractive to women. We don’t mean to be abusive or easily aggravated at things, but to be mature and handle things properly.

And it is very important to have a different set of lenses when looking from the woman’s perspective. What they want, their desires and what they find attractive is on a whole different chart from where we as men are looking from. And it is very key to keep this in mind when in the pursuit of being an attractive man to the women around you.

1 thought on “What Women Look For In ‘Porn’”

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