So, you have a first date coming up. You have found someone that sparks your interest, and are excited (and nervous) about the big day. Are you wondering if it is too early to make a move on the first date? Well, there are many different opinions of what is appropriate, especially on a first date.
Some people think that waiting until later in the night gives them time to really get to know each other better without being interrupted by an amorous advance. Others believe that they need to be on a few more dates before making a move. The schools of thought on this vary widely.
Your date has agreed to go on a date with you, so there is no doubt that she is interested in you. But, what is the level of interest that would justify your decision of making a move on the first date?
You would not want to make your date uncomfortable and compromise your chances on a second date, and yet you do not want to go home regretting not making a move.
And in our eastern culture, making the move on the first date is usually frowned upon. And the first date is usually meant to ‘get to know each other better’. Ladies here do wish to keep the facade of appearing ‘proper’, and not give off the impression of being a slut. But if you are on your fifth date and things are going well, and she is being receptive (this is key) – then yes, you can try making a move.
While there is no one answer that fits all when it comes to this question, here are some tips that might help guide your decision:
As the both of you already know each other for a while, be it in your fourth date onwards and things are going well. You can test to see if she is receptive to physical touch.
You can do ‘gentlemanly’ stuff such as gently putting your arm on her shoulder (not around) and shifting her to walk towards the insides of a pavement while you walk on the outsides of the pavement while walking next to the road. Or you can also do ‘cheekier’ stuff by bumping her with your hip and colliding her into streep lamps and poles as you guys are walking on pavements outdoors, just make sure it’s in a fun spirited kind of way and nobody gets injured or has their clothes stained.
Know that this is to get a gauge of her level of comfort (or building the comfort) of her being close to you physically as well as show her that you are not a creep. There is nothing creepier than a guy reaching out his hand slowly and trying to ‘accidentally’ brush up against her.
Check the body language of your date throughout the date. The power of body language can never be underestimated as it is a very strong indicator of how someone is feeling without them actually saying anything.
Check for how much eye contact they are making if they are making any physical advances like touching your hand frequently as indicators that they are into you. If your date is non-responsive and not making any efforts during the date, then it may not be a good idea to make a move on them as they may reject it.
You should only make a move on your date if you know that your date is into you. But it is not always possible to know if someone is into you or not. Some indicators of the same could be if they are:
- genuinely laughing at your jokes
- making continuous eye contact with you
- moving their body closer to you during conversations
- making efforts to keep the conversation going
- flirting with you and showing signs of affection
These indicators could help you make a decision on how your date feels about you and could lead you to know whether you should make the move or not.
Even if the signs are clear that you should make a move, know when to make the move. Throughout your date, if things are going well, the moment to make a move will arise on its own. It is not a good idea to force a moment as that could feel unnatural.
Try to take it slow and let the moment arise when you should make the move and when it does, slowly take the step. After you do, look at how your date is responding to it. If they are showing signs of discomfort then do not continue.
If they are responding positively to the move, then you can take it further from there.
Do you feel a spark with your date? If there is undeniable chemistry and the tension between the two of you is through the roof, then it may be almost an offense to not make the move. Having good chemistry is not something you need to look out for, it is something that will show itself on its own, and cannot be forced either.
If your date is giving you clear signs that they are really into you, then they would definitely be expecting you to make a move. And if even with all that chemistry you do not make a move, your date could go home confused and could get the impression that you are not interested in them.
If you are still unable to figure out what you should do, then do not be afraid to communicate. Talking about how you feel can seem scary, but it is the easiest way to let each other know what is on your mind.
You do not want to directly ask your date “hey, can I make a move on you?” that will definitely be an off-putter. There are more subtle questions you can ask, like the following:
- Are you having a good time?
If their answer to this question is a direct “yes”, then they may not really be having a good time, but are just saying so to not make you feel bad. But if they seem a little nervous and/or respond with excitement then they are actually enjoying their date with you.
- Do you see us having a second date?
If their answer is a very flirtatious “yes”, then they are actually looking forward to a second date with you, and making a move on the first date would be appreciated, maybe even expected.
First dates are very arbitrary in nature and there is no saying on how they could unfold. There are a lot of things to consider when making a move and it is a very delicate situation that could be a hit or a miss. In the end, it is up to how you go about it with your date.
The best way to figure out what works for both of you is by communicating openly about your needs and desires.
No matter the situation, you cannot make a move if you do not feel confident. Do not let your insecurities make you miss out on great opportunities. A boost of self-esteem is always helpful to make your dating life easier.
That is where CGull can help you. We offer 1-to-1 coaching services designed specifically to help you build your self-confidence so you can take control of your dating decisions without feeling insecure. Contact us today to help you transform your dating life!